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Shorthand (Shorthand character chart)
Yoon Jin-ah – JA | Seo Joon-hee – JH | Yoon Seung-ho – SH | Seo Kyung-sun – KS | Yoon Sang-ki – Dad | Kim Mi-yeon – Mom | Kim Seung-chul – SC | Lee Gyu-min – GM | Cho Kyung-sik – CEO | Nam Ho-gyun – HG | Jung Young-in – YI | Choi Jung-mo – JM | Gong Chul-gu – CG | Kang Se-young – SY | Gum Bo-ra – BR | Lee Yae-eun – YE | Kim Dong-woo – DW |
Airing Time: May 5th, 23:00 Seoul, tvN
How to Watch: Netflix
Countdown: AIRING …check twitter for updates.
PRETTY NOONA WHO BUYS ME FOOD LIVE RECAP EPISODE 12
KS yells at JA outside and basically tells her to finish things with JH. She goes inside. JA runs after her and tells her that she didn’t want to come there, but she knows her mother. She has to do what she wants at least once. KS says she is a mothers girl? They aren’t born for her, they don’t have to listen to her, for JH, KS can do anything. What her parents did to JH, she endured for her, but she can’t handle them looking down on JH anymore. I am not going to behave nicely anymore because you are looking down on us and pitying us.
KS leaves. The blind date come up to her.
JA follows the blind date to their seat. JH asks him, excuse me, can we just sit over here? (KS is sitting int he other area so JA doesn’t want to see her.) The date agrees and asks if she is okay. JA says no at first, but then she says yes.
KS’s appa comes in and passes JA. He goes back to her and says, aren’t you JA? Nice to see you again. KS is over there. She says she knows. Appa leaves and goes to sit with KS. JA sits back down with her blind date.
JH is working out elsewhere.
It is awkward between everyone. JA excuses herself. Her date sighs a big sigh. KS and her father don’t talk.
JA goes to the back and calls someone, she looks concerned. the person she is calling is not picking up. It looks like she might be calling JH, but he is excercising and running on the treadmill.
Appa asks about JH. How long is she going to do this? KS says it is strange for him to expect anything from her. He says they don’t have time to do nonsense, he thought she had something to tell him when she called him. KS says it was nothing, she just wanted to make sure JH and her weren’t alone in this world. She just wanted to check on her parents. He says she is old enough to not need parents. Peoples fixed ideas are funny.
JA tells her date that she is sorry. He says she knows she is bad today. She apologizes again. He says soetimes he had to go to a blind date and be the subject of the other person, but today is teh worst. He is sorry that he can’t say anything, he hopes she has someone that she already loves. JA tells him that he is a good person. he asks about the friend behind her. JA says that is her friend and father. He says it shouldn’t be any problem between them and their blind date, but why is she looking at you like she wants to kill you?
Appa tells KS that JA grew up well. Is she dating anyone? What about JH? KS says she doens’t know. Appa says time goes by fast. KS asks him what kids are to him? Just some wild flowers that grow? She gave up college for JH. He gave up his art and went to a game company. Appa is annoyed and tells her to shut up. She tells him not to shut her up, she is here to tell him this. The worst thing he didn to them was to take their young life from them. JH is a good person. He is too grown up and doesnt’ get angry. You made him like that. Being bad is too much for them because you are around. KS leaves.
She walks right past JA but doens’t look at her. JA takes a deep breath, she heard it all and is teary. her date says that they should leave. But JA just starts crying softly. The date leaves.
The blind date goes outside and asks KS what the deal is with her and JA. KS is all like, who are you? The man says he is the blind date person. KS tells himt hat she is her ex-sister-in-law. Then she gets in a taxi and leaves.
JH finished working out and checks his phone. He calls.
At the hotel, Appa sits with JA.
JH can’t get through and hangs up the phone.
Appa and JA sit quietly as the waiteress gives them something to drink. Appa asks JA if she knows how JH lives now? KS didn’t tell him anything. JA says he is doing okay, she thinks. He wants to know if he is dating anyone. She says sorry. He wants to know what that means. She says she is sorry because she doesnt’ know well. He tells her that she is too polite. Her parents are very classical. JA says her parents are stubborn. He says it isn’t that they are bad, but it must be a big headache for their daughter. Was that your boyfriend? JA says no…just….sorry. He asks her why he is sorry to her. It is not like she is polite? She smiles and says that she is sorry again, she doenst’ know why. She takes a sip of he drink.
JH calls KS as he gets in his car. He is talking to KS. KS tells him that JS isn’t coming today. JH wants to know why? KS is pissed though and tells JH that he only worries about JH, she met their appa today, isn’t he curious? JH asks about JA today but KS just tells him that she isnt’ coming tonight. He tries to call JA but it doesn’t go through.
JA and Appa leave. He says maybe they won’t see each other anymore. JA says that his kids miss him. Appa asks how his JH is. He just wonders what kind of man he is now. JA says he is a very warm guy. then it is quiet for a moment. Appa tells her, short bye-bye. They shake hands and leave. JA gets into a taxi. It leaves.
But then JA runs back. She says they should see each other. At least the two of them. She will report secretly how KS and JH live. He should at least now that. He says she started first? She says, yeah, I like to do those things. Call me please! JA left her card with Appa and runs off again.
Appa smiles and looks at JA, then he says, joon-hee, jashik.
In the taxi, JA asks the taxi to just drop her off on the side of the road. She is really sorry about it. really sorry. He drops her off. She starts walking on the sidewalk.
The “Stand by Your Man” song plays as JA walks down the sidewalk. Then it ends.
JH gets to his apartment complex and goes to his house, he is upset. sisters place. he puts in the code and goes inside. She goes to his place. Sister and brother argue about her meeting with Appa. He wants to know why she met him and saw whatever she saw. KS says that he needs to know what JA is doing. Doesn’t he know that this family doesnt’ care about him at all. We are not stupid, I know what you experienced from that family. JH says that he will solve whatever JA did between them too, not with her and them. She wants to know if he will hide things now? He says he will hide more things now.
This makes KS really sad, her voice trembles when she says JH’s name. His voice shakes as well as he asks her what he can do for her? He hugs her quietly and she lets him.
Umma is on the phone with someone and it sounds like they are talking about he blind date. It looks like the other family thinks that JA secretly got married and the ex sister-in-law was hiding in the hotel. Umma says this is a mistake, you are my friend, how can you say that! They get off the phone. Umma is winded from all the stress with the situation. She fills appa in on it a little bit and then calls someone else.
Umma – Okay, you are not picking up the phone, okay. This, she is with JH.
Appa tries to get her to stop. he tells her that they are not together, JH is not that bad. Umma wants to know what happened. Appa tells her to just wait, they can listen to her. Appa leaves to his room.
Meanwhile, JA is at a cafe by herself. She gets a text from her appa.
Appa: what happened today?
JA looks at it and sighs. then she rests her head on her hand and looks out the window. Cut to JH sitting at home, depressed. he is resting on his knees as well. JA looks at her cell phone, but she puts it down and starts thinking. It fades out on that.
then it fades in to JA walking down the street. It is night now and she is walking alone. Then it starts raining suddenly. She looks up at the sky and then runs off screen.
JH is at home. He grabs a drink from the fridge and looks outside at the rain.
JA is under a covering on the side of a building. She is alone.
JH is at home and looks at the floor as he stands by his window.
JA looks left to right as she stands by the building. It keeps raining.
Meanwhile, Appa is yelling at Umma as Umma tries to leave and catch JA. SH comes out and yells at them to stop. What if JA does something else, what if she kills herself? That stuff doens’t just happen to other people. I thought about it in high school as well. You two keep doing this, what if they just run away! You think he is not good enough for you, but that is not a good enough escuse. You see other kids doing bad things, we are the same! People think we also aren’t good enough Don’t matter in her life anymore! Umma says that she is her parent. SH says that this is violence, you make us go crazy! We shouldn’t live this primitively. SH storms back into his room. Appa walks to the couch, he looks so secretly happy. Umma is left steaming.
Appa goes to SH’s room, his face is stern. he tells SH that Umma is laying on the bed now. SH says that he is sorry he raised his voice. Appa tells him, good job. You said the right thing. Don’t think that umma is cruel to kids. No parents want their kids to go bad. SH says he understands that, but that donst’ mean that what they prepare is good. Appa says that parents want their kids to make good choices. Appa says that marrying JH is adventurous. SH wants to know why he is adventurous. Appa tells him not to be too hard on his sister. Call her. SH picks up his phone.
Cut to JH getting a text.
SH: Are you with JA?
JH: Where are you?
JH gets up and goes outside. But he runs right into JA sitting outside under and umbrella, lol. He asks her why she is there, you should have just called me and come in or whatever. He tells her to stand up. She says it is raining, spring rain. he tells her to stand up. She says it is srping rain. He tells her he knows, just stand up. he kneels, what is it? She says her blood is cut. He laughs. He tells her that she did this because he is angry. But she says that she is dying. He laughs some more. You aer killing me.
They go inside. JA asks him if he was angry, he says he was. She wanted to call him, but she didn’t. She thought he wouldnt’ pick up the phone. JH says, noona, you have a lot of strategy today. He gently rubs his hands along her hair and tells her that she looks more like a little sister when he sees her like this. She says, yes, oppa. He tells her that she is back making jokes. JA tells him that she just did what her mother wanted and thought she wouldnt’ ask her to do these things anymore. But she was stupid and when she saw KS she realized it. Do you hate me know? He says, yes. He hates her so much and he feels like he is dying. So he will do whatever, he will love JA and if you make more trouble….she says she won’t make more trouble.
He asks her why she dressed up so pretty. She asks, am I pretty? She says these are her blind date clothes. He asks, you had a lot of blind dates? She says of course! I am old enough! They continue laughing and joking about that. Then they say, let’s go out! There song starts playing.
They go out into the rain and start running and playing and kissing under the rain. A car plashes water on them and JA gets super wet. JH laughs. They keep walking. We only see their green umbrella for a moment and then the camera scrolls to their legs walking, then it cuts to their full image from the front as he holds the umbrella over her with one arm and the other arm pulling her tightly to him. They stop and kiss under the rain as if they are the only two people in the world. Then they smile and hug and keep walking happily hugged up and in the rain.
They stop for a moment at a bus stop and just look at each other and smile. She hugs him and says, “I love you.” He asks her why she won’t say that and look at him. She says it is because she is a sinner. He tells her she should get punished then. He grabs her and pulls her over his shoulder and takes off into the rain. She screams as the music fades in “la la la, little sweet melody…”
She manages to get to her feet and chases him around in the rain. She can’t catch him, he just runs in circles around her as they keep getting drenched in the rain. But then he lets her catch him and they hold onto each other and laugh.
The music keeps playing as they walk down the street together. The rain stopped. they get to their secret spot and cut through the fence. then they reach JA’s building. They seem to walk slower and slower as they approach her front door.
JA – My present (she hands him the umbrella)…if you throw this away….
JH – Your mocking me (she said what he said before)
They laugh, he tells her to go inside. She goes inside and they wave and playfully walk to the elevator and stand by the entrance. JH plays with the door as JA goes to the elevator. Both doors keep opening as they dont’ want to see each other leave.
The door bings as JA goes into her home. Appa is there in the living room he turns off the TV. He greets her and tells her that she is late. Go rest. Appa walks to his room. JA is kind of stunned.
Appa goes into his room, his wife is sleeping. He turns off the lights and gets into bed quietly.
JA goes to her brothers room. They are awkward for a moment. She asks him if anything happened today? He says of course something happened. She asks why Umma is so quiet? He says she doesn’t have any energy or it isn’t worth it. JA tells SH that JH nd KS saw her in the hotel and saw that she had a blind date. SH thinks she is stupid. SH tells her not to take JH lightly. When JH says no, it means you will never go back, you should know that. (uh oh, that sounds foreboding).
JA gets to work. She walks into the company. One person claps as they see her and they tell her welcome back. The people tell her, finally she is back. BR looks at her and perhaps they motion to go outside together. BR goes out so her and JA talk. JA pulls her to a secret spot and tells her that she wrote down everything about the harassment and sent it to YI. BR apologizes. JA says she was apart of it. BR says that no one is speaking up because they worry about being fired. But she tells her good job. JA thinks it is too early to compliment her, it is not an easy issue. BR thinks, what if… But JA tells her not to think about it, she doenst’ want to think about future problems. They should be positive. BR asks if she has any other worries. JA says everyone has their own worries, when they are at work, they should just think about work.
YI meets with the CEO, he wonders how someone can endure that for 10 years. he tellsher that she raised her person well. YI says that doens’t sound like a compliment. He says it is not. He thinks JA might get hurt if this gets out. He is worried about her, no one will take her position (?) sometimes the accusser becomes the victim. YI asks, should she not make this happen? the CEO is a bit dubious with his language.
SY meets with HG and tells him everything about what is going on. It looks like CG is blaming everything on HG. HG is enraged. he says he will accuse CG!
JM and CG talk on the roof about HG being fired soon so they will be promoted. They contacted current and ex employees, so it will be soon. They are basically joking and laughing about taking care of each other if they get promoted.
JA and JH are in the car, parked. JA says KS is not picking up the phone or checking her KaTalk. JH tells her to just leave her alone for now. They talk and JH jokes with her a little about him not being good enough. JA tells him not to joke like that. His boyfriend is very confident, don’t joke like that. JH pinches her cheeks and wants to know what he should do with that woman, she sings, “you should love her,” he starts laughing.
Upstairs, Umma is giving JA the silent treatment. JA asks Appa when umma took off the cast, but he doesn’t’ respond either.
JH’s Appa goes into his hotel room and calls someone. KS gets a phone call. She walks away from the phone, but then she checks it.
Appa: Can I see JH?
KS texts JH.
KS: Would you like to see Father at least once?
JH checks it and throws his phone away.
KS: Don’t care about him, as you did, we will just live happily so dont’ worry about us.
Appa checks the phone, he takes a stiff drink.
JA is out with her female colleagues. they are off trying on sunglasses and talking about cheating husbands. How can men cheat? Men can say any lie for their goals. All men have a secret so be careful. JA wants to know how she can know those secrets. YW says, as soon as you know the secret, it will be a big problem. Men are that complicated. She says she read it in a book.
They get back to their building and wait for the elevator. Chinese business men come and greet them at the elevator. BR pulls JA to the side and asks her if JH is going out of the country? This project is about that. JA tells him no. But BR tells him that this is important, it looks like he will go to China.
JA is concerned. At her desk, she texts JH if he ate and if he is busy.
Upstairs, JH is in a meeting with all the Chinese business men. It looks like this is weighing on him but he tries to put on a professional face.
JH meets with JA afterwards and wants to know if she is upset that he didn’t pick up his KaTalk? She brings up China. He says he isn’t’ going to China. She says she can use up all her vacation and visit him. He asks hr if she has stress and she says she doesn’t. then she gets a call and has to walk to another corner of the roof to answer it.
She walks back and tells JH that they can’t go to the movies today. Her Umma is sick so she should go home early. Jh tells her that she should go, lets go back down. they walk off and he asks her when she will finish. they joke, he asks her if she is addicted.
JH goes back to work and tells his Chinese collegues that one character might be better than another one. JA prepares to go out.
Later, JA sends JH a text.
JA: I am going home, enjoy your dinner. Kiss.
JH gets up.
JA runs to the lobby, JH’s father is there. he has something that looks like a gift. JA greets him and pulls him out the door. She tells him to follow her. But then she gets a phone call. She picks it up. He asks her where she is going. She says home. She looks around and asks him if he sees her….it is….
JH is hiding behind one of the pillars and looking at her. He is pissed.
JH – Come here……
She says, Joon Hee, just wait…..
JH – Didn’t you here me? JUST COME BACK!
@V, it would be interesting to see how Jin-ah’s Mother would react to the news that Joon-hee’s Father is actually richer than them! How swift would her reaction be to do a 180 degree turn and support Joon-hee that may give us whiplash? Siiiiigghhh…
I was thinking that! If he is super wealthy, then would that produce a 180 from Umma?
Exactly! Wow! If that were to happen, then it just confirms what we all have been thinking – that the Mother is an utterly selfish money-grubbing, gold-digger!
Such a shame to think of! But perhaps the mom had a fling with the father as well and is not sure about the parentage of her kids?
Wow! If you are right about the parentage thing, then WOW! That would be earth-shattering!!
That would be too western
That would be the only acceptable reason for omma to be as freaked out as she is.
I had the same thought about the possibly rich dad too! Just found it a little puzzling why would KS noona suddenly call her disengaged father out of the blue..? Maybe their Father is now someone of good status that can help leverage JH’s rs with JA!
Me too! It really makes me wonder.
wow, that would sure explain it. but can anyone even picture her as someone with a personality more than one man would like? Somehow she was lucky enough to find her husband who can tolerate her!
How does a Mother ever justify hitting her own daughter for being with the man she loves? How? In which universe? *pulling my hair out of frustration*
Granted, if the man is a scumbag like JA’s ex, or a convicted criminal, or a drug addict, then OF COURSE the Mother needs to save her daughter from being with such a man, but just because Joon-hee is not a lawyer or doctor and is not loaded, she HITS her daughter, not once, but more than that, even in front of the man she loves!! Her daughter is already 35 years old, for goodness’ sake!!
Once again, I am disappointed that the writer and PD have chosen this plot technique and trope because it is so frustrating, exhausting and mind-numbing to watch it! I have shared in another post of how the writer and PD can choose to be more creative and imaginative in showcasing the plot. But alas, that is not to be the case.
Right, at that age you would think she would be has with her daughter marrying a good person and giving her grandbabies.
Exactly! I totally agree with you! Let her daughter get married to a good man who loves her and pamper the grandchildren her daughter can give her!
Thank you for the very quick recap! I would be lost without you!
Oh dear! Joon-hee shouted at Jin-ah at the end of this episode! He’s so pissed!
That scene plus the combination of SH’s scene where he told JA to beware the scorned JH (not really but kind of) and how when he is done then he is done, kind of makes me think that JH will leave JA over this. At least momentarily.
My comment kind of rambles, I hope it makes sense!
@V, your comment makes perfect sense, no problem at all 😉
And I was struck speechless by how pissed and heartbroken JH sounded with that shout and with what SH said about JH being one who once sets his mind about something he will not change his mind, makes me worried for their relationship.
I have said before that JH will go to China and they will be separated for a while but I hope the separation will only be temporary.
The history between JH and KS with their Father is a big thing and it is obvious they are both deeply hurt by their Father so it is not surprising JH shouted at JA but still I feel for JA being caught in the middle.
Apparently, it is JA who asks to end things. God, this is killing me. Why break up!!?
Really? JA asked to end things? Oh noooo!!!
i am worried about that too now that u said it,
That comment by SH is probably only to scare us. Or to prove to SH that when JH forgives JA that they are indeed meant to be together.
Hi, do you know what she said in the preview ep13? Is she breaking off with JH??
Oh, this father thing is going to be a huge problem. HUGE. Jin Ah may not see a difference because Joon Hee also secretly met with her mother, but the difference is enormous. Hard to imagine how pissed he’ll be. Don’t keep secrets from your lovers, and don’t take sides with their family. Never, ever ends well.
People from relatively well-adjusted families have a very hard time understanding people who were raised by narcissists. If she makes the mistake of saying “but he’s your DAD” then I wouldn’t be surprised if he just goes directly to China.
OMG, maybe this will be the catalyst that sends him to China!
It’s a perfect outlet: he’s getting pressure from his company, he needs mental distraction, and it’s extremely possible that Jin Ah has become radioactive in his head. He’ll need time to work this one out and she can’t help, in fact her presence could just reboot the loop.
Three months in China seems like a pretty good solution. Jin Ah can work on whatever’s happening with her family, and Joon Hee can spend some time figuring out how to deal with the nightmare of his girlfriend teaming up behind his back with his dad. Right now, it’s like she’s put his nervous system directly into a blender and hit “high”. He needs to wait for his brain to settle before he can even assess what’s happening.
I think we can all agree that when it comes to difficult relationships between parents and children, it can cut really deep and so it is not something that can just be brushed aside with comments such as “but he’s your Dad” so I hope JA does not say that to JH.
And I agree with you that keeping secrets is never a good thing between lovers or spouses or even friends. Maybe JA did not intend to keep her meeting between her and JH’s Father a secret but the fact remains that she did meet him without informing JH first or even asking JH if it is OK for her to meet his Father because she knows a little bit about the difficult relationship between JH and his Father. Arrggghhh…
I just breaks my heart to hear JH shouted at JA with so much hurt and heartbreak in his voice and tears in his eyes! Arrgghhh!!
It’s just one of the most toxic things you can say, if someone’s telling you that they have a bad relationship with a parent and that they don’t want to communicate with them. People say it because they can’t imagine not talking to their own parents, but we’ve just seen JH’s dad cut ties with them repeatedly while talking to KS. There’s excellent reason for not contacting him.
And unfortunately “it’s your parent” is the exact phrase that kids of narcissists have parroted at them by everyone in their lives from the age of about 5, like they’re supposed to forgive unforgivable behavior and be a doormat just because this person it biologically related to them. I genuinely am thinking that Joon Hee might go to China about this, because just knowing that Jin Ah could go behind his back to his dad will scramble his brain. It’s decades of pain that goes right into fight or flight. The person he trusts and loves most is betraying him with the person he avoids most in the world.
I know this because I had a friend in college who I tried to cajole into contacting her estranged mom for Mother’s Day. The friend eventually cut ties with me and it took me years to understand what had happened – by ignorantly pressuring her to contact her mom using my own experience with MY mom as a base (“won’t you miss her, don’t you want her to be a grandmother, you could have holidays together”), I’d basically stirred up twenty years of bad memories and proved myself unreliable and unable to take my friend’s side in the worst relationship in her life. I still have enormous regrets about that whole incident, and am now very careful to let people control conversations about their own bad relationships with family and instead focus on acting as a listener rather than doling out advice.
Oh dear! Thank you for sharing your experience, @Miranda dear. It must not have been easy to share it but thank you so much for sharing it and for your candour. 😉
However, I can see that you did not intentionally want to hurt your friend but she was hurt as a result of your action and you felt bad about it and so you learnt something from the experience. We all learn something new everyday. And we can all learn from one another’s experience and together learn and become better people. 😉
Pretty sure that JH & JA will both end up in China at some point because they had a press conference there.
Yes @L. They did a press conference there which was why I said before that JH will go to China and they will be separated but I think this drama will have a happy ending for them. Or at least I hope so. 😉
Yes shes saying “JH lets finish this” im sad and is he running out to look for JA?
I think they will momentarily break up out of foolishness.. but get back tgt knowing it was a mistake.. I mean.. that’s normally how it rolls 😂😂😂😂
Or maybe… the whole preview about JA saying “JH let’s stop here” is to make us think the unthinkable of breakup happening.. when in actual JA is trying to stop the unhappy conversation that’s hurting both of them. “JH let’s stop here (let’s stop arguing over this matter)…
Well LOL I’m trying to be positive 😅
I hope so too, @E! I hope you are right about JA wanting to end the conversation that is causing them so much hurt, not the relationship. 😉
Speaking from personal experience, parents words and actions can hurt their children so badly and cause a hurt that cut so deep that some children never recover from the hurt and just carry on with life the best way we know how. We learned to compartmentalise our experiences and hurts and wounds and put them aside in order to survive this harsh life.
So watching this drama, with a money-grubbing Mother (JA’s Mother) and a Father who God Knows has done what to hurt his children so badly, make my heart hurt so much I am literally clutching my chest to catch my breath from the pain at times. Arrggghh…
I must say Jung Hae In’s acting was pitch-perfect at the end. His heartbreaking shout with his teary eyes and crestfallen facial features were just so on-point, it broke my heart each time I replayed it. Arrgghhh…
I heard JinAh asked for a break up for next week episodes. How true?
The writers are doing a good job. Keeping us on the edge of our seat, rooting that love will triumph, in the end, for these two.
Woh JunHee is fuming mad at what JinAh did. Serves her right to have a taste of JunHee’s wrath. She’s similar to her Umma wanting to stick her nose in business that’s not her concern just bcos she’s JH grlfriend. Bounderies girl know that?.JunHee is so hurt for her betrayal. JH dad left them while young and JinAh is like oh come on he’s family. Ironic bcos JH isn’t getting Umma’s blessing bcos of his lack of family background which wounds him and JinAh showed no empathy about Seo’s siblings pain. So I’m ok with JH going to China to teach JinAh a lesson of losing him. Maybe she’d learn to listen and stop causing trouble. Get a clue JinAh!
MANY THANKS for recaps! 🙂
Have not watched the 2 episodes yet – kinda of dreading them actually. Esp since seems to figure quite a bit of her omma (UGH) and KS (not exactly my favorite character)
This strikes me as symbolic:
RED umbrella … stop
GREEN umbrella … go
It is never easy dealing with emotions, whether it is ours or other people’s.
It is never easy dealing with people especially with the people we love.
It is never easy dealing with relationships whether directly connected to us or the relationships of those around us with others around them.
That is essentially what is going on between JA and JH.
JH’s relationship with his Father caused him to be so hurt that it is understandable that he would rather keep his distance from his Father than have to face the hurt each time they see each other. It is something we can all understand if we have ever been in his place.
However, to be perfectly honest, no child can ever hate his/her Father or Mother to the point that he/she DOES NOT YEARN for things to be different.
No child would want to continue hating his/her Father or Mother forever and ever.
No child would want to continue feeling the hurt inflicted on them by their Father or Mother.
No child would want to totally erase his/her Father or Mother from their mind, heart or their very existence.
It is precisely because of all of that, that NOT BEING ABLE TO FACE their Father or Mother can actually cause MORE hurt, MORE pain, MORE heartache.
I know. It is complicated.
The best that most children can do is to put the hurt, the pain, the heartache, the wounds aside in order to go on with life and one way to do that is not to face the source of their hurt, their pain, their heartache and their wounds – their Father or Mother
So when they are struggling to deal with the difficulty of not facing their Father or Mother, they will have a harder time dealing with the people around them who CAN face the people they cannot face – their Father or Mother.
It is like when we do not like someone and we avoid them but our friends are fine with meeting up with and talking with the people we do not like.
However, I would not totally blame Jin-ah for being clueless because she is not in JH’s place and because she has known JH’s Father from young because she and JH grew up together but of course she should learn not to continue to be clueless by consulting and communicating with JH about any communication between her and JH’s Father because she is in a romantic relationship with JH now and she knows a little about the rift between JH and his Father.
Now that JA and JH are in a romantic relationship, and they have admitted their love for one another, each must prioritise the other’s feelings.
That is what love and being in love is about – putting someone else’s happiness and well-being before ourselves.
Thus, JA needs to learn to put JH’s feelings before her own and JH needs to do the same. JA needs to consider JA’s feelings if he were to know that JA is meeting the person that JH cannot face. Which brings me to my opinion about JH shouting at JA in public. Even though I can understand his feelings and the reason behind his outburst, I wish that he can also consider how his outburst can affect JA’s feelings.
Yes, JA’s behaviour is less than ideal but as the saying goes – it is not what happens to us that matters but OUR REACTION to it – I think JH should not have shouted at JA so publicly.
He should keep his emotions in check and talk calmly with JA in private so that he can keep the peace between him and JA.
The reason I say that is because he is the one who seemed to love JA first and his love seems so deep. So if he truly loves JA, would he really want to break up with her over what happened? Would he be able to let her go? If the answer is yes, then there is nothing to be said. But if the answer is NO, then he should think about how hurtful his outburst may be to JA. Does hurting the one we love means we love them?
From the preview trailer of the next episodes, it is clear that just the words from JA along the lines of “stopping things between them” made JH run over to JA just proves that no matter how hurt he was over what he thinks JA was doing, he should temper his emotions and stop and think that surely the woman he loves and trusts would not PURPOSELY want to hurt him and thus he should not be so hurt. If he thinks even for 1 minute that JA is intentionally trying to hurt him by meeting his Father, then JH does not truly love JA because how can he say he loves JA but does not trust JA or does not give her the benefit of the doubt?
JH should instead take a step back and think – JA does not know how angry and hurt I have been with my Father that seeing her meeting my Father would make me more angry and hurt so I will let her know calmly. I will not jump to conclusions and berate her publicly and hurt and embarrass her because I love her too much to do that to her.
Of course, as I have said in the beginning of this post, it is never easy dealing with emotions, whether it is our own or others’.
Our emotions can run away from us before we even realise it and our actions that follow those unchecked emotions can lead us astray more times than we care to remember.
So, the moral of the story is :
think before we act;
act based on sound judgement, not emotions;
seek first to understand then be understood;
never ever forget our words and actions toward those we love matter so much because they can hurt so much.
Just to add a few more things :
To quote what Miranda has said, we should never impose on others our way of thinking or acting or reacting or dictate to others how they should feel or behave especially when it comes to their relationships with the people around them. Instead we should just provide a listening ear or shoulder to cry on, whichever is needed, without making any judgements or giving advice.
We especially should be VERY CAREFUL not to use certain sensitive words or words that can be toxic when we speak with others because of their unique situations and circumstances that can cause irreparable harm to our relationships with those around us.
We should be mindful not to use phrases or act in ways that can be deem as blasé or insensitive of the feelings of those around us.
It may be useful to remember this philosophy :
When we deal with ourselves, use our head, meaning use our mind, not our emotions, meaning use our thinking hats when we deal with our own problems or difficulties.
When we deal with others, use our heart, meaning be mindful of others’ feelings and the effect of our words and actions on the feelings of those around us because hurtful words and actions can cause irreparable damage to our relationships with those around us.
The truth is even though our intentions may be good but our words and actions are what matter and will affect the people around us and what is important to remember is that what will be most affected are the feelings of the people around us.
There is saying : people may forget our words but they never forget how we made them FEEL.
Oh my gosh, I love this. I want to copy the entire thing and make it our commenting policy 🙂 . We don’t need a policy actually, everyone here is great, but I love this enough to maybe create one? Or maybe not 🙂 . Really wonderful advice 🙂
Thank you for the kind affirmation @V but I credit God Almighty for all the good that He Has Blessed me with 🙂
Very good philosophy I am going to use it and share it
I think every child wants to have a father and mother. The key part is that some people realize that they never will have a “father” or “mother” in the socially recognized sense – they have two biological parents, but those people do not qualify as “mother and father” the way society usually views that relationship.
For those children who have made the hard decision to cease all contact… The rest of us should let that one be. Sometimes ceasing the relationship and cutting off contact truly is the best decision. You can yearn for a father while recognizing that realistically, you don’t have one. You just have a biological parent, and that associating fatherhood expectations with him is just going to hurt in the long run.
I agree @Miranda. In some cases cutting ties is the best option to keep the hurt party sane and able to go on with life. It is sad but then there is a saying – the truth always hurt. Cutting ties may be the last resort or option but it does not mean it does not hurt. And it is a hurt that does not really go away. It is just put aside. For people in such a predicament,they need our support all the more. Our unconditional, non-judgemental, selfless support. 🙂
Unfortunately, in the next episode/s, Jin-ah WILL be saying something like, “But he is still your Dad” to Joon-hee. It is THE WRONG THING to say! Siiighhh…
Once again, the writer and PD have chosen the tiring and unenlightening way of portraying the character and plot…so frustrating!
Y did JH follow her to the lobby?
Ok now im dying to watch ep13 and waiting a whole week to read a recap and another whole week to watch a subbed episode is driving me nuts.
Im so proud of SH for finally standing up to his mum and making her shut up. I hope she will let that sink in for a bit.
Also will JA and SK have issues with their relationship? Will SK blame JA for making her brother feel so low and depressed? what will happen between the 2?
Is this when JH leaves for China and JA’s mother thinks she has succeeded in ruing their relationship? Will JA be put on the spot for her job?
I mean what is the writer trying to get at I feel like this should be more than 16 episodes how are they going to make this work.
Swear Kdramas have the worst ending EEVVEEERRR!!!!!!!
But I am hoping for a god ride please
Ep 12 When JH found her by his doorway while raining with rhe green umbrella and they went inside and talk and reconciled, JA said she’s not gonna cause trouble again after committing a sin. Next,,,opps she did it again. JA meet with JH’s dad secretly and lied to him. Betrayal is her next sin. End of Ep 12…
Who among here like JinAh? Why do ya’ll like her?
Who like JinAh the character? Why do ya’ll like her?